Being a parent made me a better leader

Some of the biggest leadership lessons happen outside the workplace.

Amongst all the lessons you learn, being a parent taught me that challenging conversations work better when you give them space and honesty. I believe that this made me a better leader.

A while ago, my eldest asked me a very normal question about my day, how it had been and was it a good day, whilst we ate dinner together. I initially nodded and said “yeah, it was good”. In reality, it had been super busy and involved a long board meeting full of problem solving and challenging conversations. So I corrected myself and said “actually it was really busy but I was really proud of myself in a meeting today”. Because she’s a delightfully curious person she asked why I was proud of myself. I explained that I had been in an important meeting and I had used my voice well. We ended up spending the next hour talking about women in the workforce, particularly in tech and how I felt the responsibility of being a woman in an executive role.

I learnt so much from this conversation, but most specifically about how to speak about challenging subjects in a way that doesn't overwhelm a conversation or the person you’re speaking to. As a parent, I’ve always tried to speak to my children with gentle truths. If they ask me a question, I’ll give them as honest an answer as I possibly can (whilst being appropriate to their ages), even if it’s a topic some might try to avoid with children.

Now, I haven’t always done this well. I can see my children tuning out and I’ve lost their engagement with me. But I’ve always tried to maintain this position of honesty as far as I can.

I appreciate, the team around me are not my children. But being a parent, I truly believe, has made me a better leader.

Being a parent taught me that challenging conversations can be navigated honestly and openly if you give them space.

Children have this wonderful knack for asking questions at the most unexpected times - often catching you off guard and ill-prepared for whatever it is that their curious mind wants to explore. And, well, this isn’t limited to children! Anyone can spring a challenging or complex conversation on you at any point, especially when you’re in a leadership position. There was a period in my life where I was nervous about this, feeling that I wouldn’t be able to rise to the spontaneity of the conversation. (Who doesn’t prefer to prepare?!) But I can see that I have grown into a leader who can dive into something unexpected with energy and engagement.

Within this, I also reflected on my own privilege in working in an organisation that doesn’t shy away from letting people bring their whole self to work - part of our work at The Developer Society is building a culture where you can. You can speak openly, you can express ideas and reflections that aren’t always easy, you can use your voice impactfully. All of this matters for how we work together but also for how we support mission-driven organisations. We listen to complex issues with curiosity, we respond to problem solving openly and honestly and we create space for navigating challenges together.

Long-term, I’ll keep growing as a leader and I’ll definitely learn more about being a parent, bringing those lessons into my wider life. And I hope my children know that they are just as influential in shaping me as I am in shaping them.